Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Saturday, 18 December 2010


Last month I decided that I was going to take a new picture, edit it, and then post it online each day in December. And then tech week for my school musical came around. And I forgot about it. So there.

BUT. Because there is no tech week in January. I'm going to do my One-Picture-A-Day thing in January.

The reason I'm doing this, is because I'm quite bad at taking pictures of snow, meaning that I'm trying to challenge myself. Oh what fun. If I was doing this in the summer, I would normally just be able to go out into my backyard and take a few shots of my mom's flowers like always. No problemo. But this. Winter. Snow. That's hard. And you would think it wouldn't be because the snow is beautiful. And I agree. It is. But it's also all white. EVERYWHERE. Meaning my camera has a hard time focusing on one thing.

I have no idea what I'm going to take pictures of. I"m definitely limiting myself to taking pictures outside, because that would be super hard. I'll probably take pictures of Bob (my cat) and of lights.

Prepare to be amused! Or not. We'll have to see.

See you in January!
<3 e

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Computer Angst

My Macbook came with 60 MB of free space. About 2 years ago my hard drive crashed and i had to get a replacement one. And the smallest size they had was a 80 MB one. So for 3 years I have worked with a computer with a memory space of 80 GB. Until today.

My friend, Brian, came over at 2 today and started replacing my hard drive with his old one. A 250 MB. I don't even know what to do with the extra space.

A few hours ago when we were opening up my computer, I realized that if it isn't work, I wouldn't have a computer. So I freaked out a little. But it's working now, so I'm all good.

At the moment, I have Brian and my friend, Sam, who's home from college sitting in my room talking about techy things. So I'm writing my blog post now, so I don't forget about doing it.

But here I am, and soon enough I'll have a 250 MB large hard drive. I'm SOO exciting about having all the extra space to add photos and to upload my vlog.

<3 e

Wednesday, 17 November 2010


There are 750 different types of trees in North America alone. There are over 25 different types of diseases that kill trees. There are over 30 different types of insects that kill trees.

The first case of Dutch Elm disease in the US was in 1930. Between then and 1970 it had killed over 77 million trees. That means it killed 1,925,000 trees in one year alone.

Two months ago, the tree outside my house and the twin tree across the street were diagnosed with Dutch Elm disease. They had been living since 1925.

We view trees as something that will always be there. They are there when we are born, and they will still be standing when we die. They outlive many of us.

This tree has been a constant in my life. It has always been outside my house. And I thought it always would be. But I was wrong. With one pink slip of paper, it was condemned to die. The red line on the tree sealed it's fate.

My family and I went on vacation and when we came back the tree was gone. All that was left was a stump.

So my next door neighbors and I decided to count the rings on the tree. When we went out to see the tree someone had left a couple roses on the stump as a remembrance for the tree.

Eloise, the eldest, counted the rings of the tree while her younger sister, Esther, looked at it through a magnifying glass. Eloise counted that the tree was 150 years old, though it was actually planted in 1925. They were fascinated by what the "inside" of a tree looked like, and complained when we went inside. They loved sitting on the stump and looking at the tree through the magnifying glass.

The next day, workers came by and ground up the stump. And a few days later the wood chips were gone, replaced by dirt.

Something that huge and beautiful replaced by a pile of dirt.

The workers planted a new tree next to where the old tree used to be. This is the tree that my neighbors will grow up with. They won't have the majestic tree that I grew up with, large enough to hide behind in games of hide and seek and to sit under in the dark. They will grow up with a twig of a tree.

All that remains is a blank space in the sky.

Monday, 25 October 2010

Ocean Days

Memories held in glass jars.
Never remembered.
A faded day so long ago.
A time once had.

Castle walls are crammed
Into plastic bags.
Packed in suitcases
And taken away.

Waves crashing on bare feet
As arms reach down
Grabbing at shinning shells.
A new home given to old homes.

Rocks taken somewhere new.
Farther from home than ever before.
Once a part of something large,
Reduced to small.

Jars are forgotten.
Memories fade.
All but a faint smell of ocean escapes
From glass jars holding the ocean.


You pull the door shut behind you. Locking away the nagging and torment. You turn to walk away. You smile. Your feet carry you away.

The night is cool. Calm. Quiet. No one is around. No one to hear you speak. No one to see you cry.

The silence draws you in. The world fades away. The night is yours. No one to stop you. They can't take the night away.

The darkness surrounds you. The world is a memory of what has been. You forget it all. You forget them all.

You forget him. The pain he caused. You forget her. The scars she ripped open. They are gone. Just you and the night.

The tow of you. Only the night. Nothing can pull you apart. Nothing to stop your love. You are alone.


Sunday, 10 October 2010

This Is My Rooftop

I am happy. And I want to tell the world why. I want to scream it from the rooftop so everyone can know. But I also want to whisper it in the quiet, confined space of a car.

My life is good. 11:11 came around tonight, and I couldn't think of anything to wish for. I don't want anything more than I have because everything I have is amazing. I feel as though everything has fallen into place and suddenly my life is great.

My life has always been a little rough around the edges, like someone missed a spot. But it feels like someone has finished coloring in the picture.

My days are full of loving friends and family. We laugh and work and cry. But we are happy. So, so happy.
<3 e

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Upcoming Writing

I have a journal that I started keeping about a year ago. And i have filled it with dreams and drawings and music and lyrics and poems. But most of these things are unfinished. They are all partial lyrics, or two lines of a poem that I wanted to write but never got around to it. Well, I'm going to get around to it now.

I've decided that once a month (hopefully more, but I'm setting my expectations low) I'm going to open the journal and pick a line and then I'm going to write a poem or song or finish the drawing that goes along with it. When I do this, I will post the poem on my blog.

Yes, that means I'm going to have to edit what I write just a little, because many of the things that I write about no one gets to see... BUT I'm willing to find a way to write about it if you are willing to read it!

Ta-ta For Now!
<3 e

Sunday, 26 September 2010


I am surrounded by a cloud of music. It follows me around constantly.
It helps me shut out the incessant sound of your voice.
It doesn't make my world better, it creates one of it's own.

I like my other world. It's simple and free.
I can escape from my problems and my connections.
When life gets bad, I live there.

Thank you for noticing.
<3 e

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Great Friends Are Hard To Find

I was having a sucky day:

I had lots of homework, and then I procrastinated.
I was sick. And i didn't do anything to get better.
I was mad, and all I did was make people mad at me.

Worst of all, I have a chair placement and I haven't practiced. The more I practiced, the worse I got. And the more upset I got.

But as I was unload my problems on a good friend of mine he said "Do you know the courage wolf?" to which I replied "No..." A few minutes later he liked me to this picture:

Thank you, for making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry! I'm so lucky to have a friend like you!!
<3 e

I want to be Ben...

I want to be the character.
Who stops time to look.
To watch. To draw.

I want to be the person.
Who can control time.
When it stops. And starts.

I want to be the artist.
Held between seconds.
Seeing. Drawing.

I want to be the insomniac.
Escaping inevitable sleep.
Awake. Always.

I want to be Ben.
Surrounded by all.
But alone. Silent.

Saturday, 11 September 2010


I'm terribly sorry about the lack of posting, and even when I do, the lack of length.

I could tell you that it's because school has started and I have lots of homework, but considering my History text book is open to page one, and has been for the past hour and I'm still typing this, that's not a very accurate reason why.

What I will tell you is this:

I feel like writing one of those panicky posts, where i tell you how screwed up my life is. But I can't. Because at this moment in time, I'm calm. So calm it scares me.

So much is happening to me, and so much is going to happen. But all i can think about is sitting in my room and listening to music. Maybe it's my head telling me that it's still summer. Maybe it's that fact that I can't organize my thoughts enough to realize what's going on around me.

I honestly don't know. But, this feeling of calm; the soft sound of keys being pressed, the wind coming in through my window, the blankness inside my head. I am calm. And it has been a while since I have felt this calm, so I'm not going to disrupt it.

I'll let you know what I'm thinking when I figure it out myself.
<3 e

Wednesday, 8 September 2010


Do you sometimes feel like you are suffocating? Like everything on the outside is pushing in trying to see how long it will take for you to crack.

I get that feeling a lot. The idea that everyone is working against me, stressing me out. The only problem is, I've never figured out how to relieve my stress.

If any of you have any ideas, please let me know, because I'm starting to go insane.
<3 e

Monday, 6 September 2010

Two Parts

Two parts of my world talked. Things were said. And now I'm worried. I don't know what was said, but I know that things were discussed.

Two worlds should never meet.
<3 e

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Reasons for Google Being so Awesome

I typed in the beginning of questions into Google and then finished the sentences. And then i wrote my own answers, enjoy!

"What if everyone" in Canada flushed at once?
-The world would explode. That's what would happen.

"What would happen if" there was no Google?
-People as bored as I would never have anything to do.

"How can I" meet Justin Bieber?
-Well... You don't. That's how.

"How to q"uit Facebook.
-it's impossible. Many have tried, but the grasps of facebook will control us forever!!!

"What happens" when you quit smoking?
-You... uh... stop smoking??

"How to f"all asleep.
-Close your eyes and wait. I didn't think it was that hard....

"How to y"awn.
-Umm... it just... sorta happens?

"How to stop" eating.
-I wouldn't suggest this. But, just don't eat... I would think...

"Yesterday I" got lost in the circus.
-Good for you... did you survive?

"Yesterday I" had roadkill.
-For food??? Oh, I hope not...

<3 e

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

An Eyeful of Ceiling

We all die. And most of us die looking up.

It could be a heart attack. Could be of old age. Whatever it is, we almost always die looking up.

And when we look up, we see our ceiling. The last thing that we will ever see is the one place in our houses that we don't pay any attention to. It's nothing that we decorate, or clean, or pay any attention to. But it's always there, holding the roof over your head. And it will be there for you when you die.

You should say thanks to your ceiling for always being there. Because it always will be.
<3 e

A Happy Post

Right now I'm listening to my new favorite song. And it reminded me how much I love music. It's one of those songs that makes you happy just listening to it.

It's called "Adventures in Solitude" by The New Pornographers (I know, great band name, right?). If you've never heard it I would suggest checking it out.

Whenever I listen to it, I feel all reflective. So I'm going to reflect on my summer because it's coming to an end *sniff*

I have spent the summer away from people. I have distanced myself from people, and then brought myself closer to others. I have grown up, and i have become a better me. I've taken dreams of mine, and figured out how to turn them to reality.

I've laughed and I've cried. I've written and I've sang and I've played. I've started actually painting, and I've realized how much I love it. I've started taking more pictures.

But most of all, I've become independent. And I love it. I feel happier, and more free.

So i'd like to thank all of my friends who I've met and grown up with for being there all the time. You guys are awesome. I wouldn't have survived until now without you. I'd also like to thank my summer. Summer itself isn't anything special, but mine was. So thank you.

<3 e

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Sad Movie Reflection

I just watched a movie about a 15 year old boy who kills himself. I wasn't aware of what the movie was about when I began it.

Yes, the character, Kyle, was a jackass. He called everything "fag" and "gay" and "retarded." He thought that women were objects "to fuck" and not actually people with feelings. Yes, he was a jackass, but he didn't deserve to die.

Technically he didn't commit suicide, it was an accident. But still.

In life, there can only be one thing that we are completely positive about. WE ARE ALIVE. That's it.

Life is the greatest thing in the world. Without it, we can't do anything. It just makes me furious when people throw this amazing gift away.

Two years ago this November my friend Lorin killed himself. He took a gun. Put it to his head, and he pulled the trigger. He escaped from whatever it was he wanted to escape from. His family and friends didn't. We were left with a shattered family and no reason for a dead child.

So if you are reading this, and you think about suicide. Don't. Even if it seems like life is stupid and sad and horrible, it will get better. It always does. There's no reason to rip your family and friends apart because you decided to take the quick way out. Just don't do it.

Keep your glasses half full,
<3 e

Monday, 9 August 2010

The Night Is Mine

I love big cities, but there are moments where I feel as though the whole world can see right through me. And the world is watching and listening to me. But not at night.

The night is mine. It is the time where I am alone. I am in control. It is mine.

The world falls away and only I exist. My night. And I.

I long for my night. I long to be alone. To have to world fall away. To have to silence envelope me. To have the darkness invite me. The cool air in my lungs, nothing around me. Pain melts away. Problems are solved. Creativity is sparked. And for once, life makes sense.

The night is mine, and I am the night's.

<3 e

Thursday, 5 August 2010


Recently a friend and I got into a philosophical argument of sorts. It began with my comment saying that “We are both so random,” and he began to talk about our similarities and differences. It boiled down to a discussion about whether people were alike or not. Here are our arguments:

I believe that people like to believe that no one in the world is like them, and that is true to some point. But I also believe that fundamentally, we share many things. Not just physically, but also mentally. All people have some sort of belief system. All people have morals that they stand by, even if the actual morals are different. We all have wants and desires. We all have secrets. We all have emotions and can be happy or sad or embarrassed or hurt. As pessimistic as this sounds, we are all the same person with small differences. Of course there are outliers, but all statistics have outliers and exceptions.

People generally behave along certain guidelines not because it is their innate nature, but because we are products of society. The moral and social guidelines by which we act are no more a part of our basic humanity as is fast food. Besides of meaningless physical similarities, these action guidelines are really the only things we have in common. If humans were capable of fully developing completely separate from these guidelines, we would have no concept of secrets, morals, or etiquette, as these are all products of society. Similarly, many emotions, such as embarrassment, and love, would not exist, were it not for other humans.

If you have any opinion on the matter, then please comment below and either let us know who you agree with or your own opinion.
<3 e

Friday, 30 July 2010

Westward Vacation - Day 6

I woke up in Couer d'Alene Idaho in a Holiday Inn. We walked out of the hotel and down the street to where we were able to walk around the downtown area. It was great! There were all these little stores that I went into! There was a Del Sole store that i went to and bought a keychain and a frisbee.

Then we drove for 9 hours. During the trip we saw: Mountains. Flat. Hills. Flat. Flat. And then some more flat.

Finally we arrived in Seattle. SEATTLE! I officially love Seattle! My mom has a friend Marc who took us to a great restaurant and showed me the campuses of one of the colleges that I am interested in (in Seattle). He's hilarious and I would like to adopt his as my uncle!!! After dinner we went to an outlook where we could see all of downtown Seattle including the Space Needle.

I am in love with a city. I don't want to ever leave here on Sunday, I just want to stay here forever!

<3 e

Thursday, 29 July 2010

Westward Vacation - Day 5

Today was another driving day. We woke up at 6 and then left at 8 (it takes us a while to actually leave, plus we had to eat breakfast).

I slept for the first hour and then my parent's woke me up to look at a view. Do I dutifully got out of the car and looked at the over look. It was impressive, but there was something else that caught my attention. Chipmunks. Now, I have always liked chipmunks, I think they are adorable little animals. But these chipmunks were something else. They had run up the side of a mountain to where to over look was so that they could come up to the people. And when i say "come up" I mean they would walk right up to you, only about an inch away and look up at you and say with their little cute eyes "FOOOOOOOOD!!!". It was the cutest thing I have every seen. They kept walking up to me, and I was able to take some great shots of them. They even ran over some kid's shoe!!

Over the course of the next 10 hours we continues to see different kinds of animals, including:
-Crazy tame chipmunks
-Cows just hanging out by the side of the road munching on grass
-A bear from very far away, but I was able to take pictures of it with my dad's long range zoom camera
-Many herds of buffalo
-Deer that had walked right up to a house and were just hanging out
-Elk who were lounging in the middle of someone's lawn
-A moose (technically my mom saw it and i didn't but i'm still counting it!)

Other than seeing more mountains we saw the Mammoth Hot springs, which were cool looking but there wasn't actually any water in it like there was supposed to be. There was actually a sign for "Trucks will flip." That was scary!

We had dinner at this great place called Moontime where i had cheese filled ravioli that was super good!

All in all the city of Couer d'Alene ID is a very nice city! But i can't wait to be in Seattle tomorrow!
<3 e

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Westward Vacation - Day 4

Once my parents were finally able to drag me out of bed so that I could get ready, we headed to the lobby. The lobby was where the continental breakfast was held, and it was full of tables, people and food.

The only problem with the lobby was all of the animals. There were elk, deer, bears, geese, wolves, goats and even a buffalo head. All of the animals were dead (obviously). So I ate my breakfast surrounded by animals, starring at me. There was one goat in particular whose eyes made it look like he was in pain and about to cry. Let's just say, I lost my appetite.

Soon after, my parents and I left to go to Yellowstone. Most people spend a week in Yellowstone, but we spent 6 hours. It was still a lot of time though.

We went to go see Old Faithful. I wasn't extremely impressed. I dunno, I think everyone made me believe it was going to be the best thing I've ever seen, but it wasn't. Truth be told, it was very cool. The idea that something controlled by the Earth has a schedule is an odd idea. I did see two pairs of twins. That were dogs. That was very cool!

Also, Yellowstone proved to be a good place to get some of my remaining states on my hunt for all 50. I have six left and I'm determined to get at least one more, if not six.

While my family and I were driving down one of the roads, there was a sign (not unlike many of the others) saying that there was road construction ahead. So when the traffic ahead of us came to a complete halt, we weren't suprised. We were suprised when we figured out that it wasn't construction, it was a buffalo walking on the road. Buffalo are big. And when I say big, I mean HUGE!! And they also have eyes that look dead and sad. It was very odd, and creepy...

One thing that did impress me was Yellowstone Lake. It was possibly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. When I first saw the lake, I thought that something was wrong with it. But actually, it was just ridiculously clear. I got to stand by the water and skip stones into it,

I have offically decided that I am, in fact, a water person and not a mountian person. Though, when looking across a crystal clear lake and seeing the mountians in the background, one has to admit that they are pretty spectacular. I am really looking forward to going to the ocean later this week!
<3 e

Monday, 26 July 2010

Westward Vacation - Day 3

This morning my parents and I packed up all of our stuff and left Rapid City, but not before we had breakfast at Tally's Silver Spoon, my new favorite restaurant. I couldn't decide between the French Toast and the Eggs Benedict so they let me have half of both! The French Toast was pretty good but the Eggs Benedict... It was the most amazing thing I have ever eaten in my entire life. It was perfect in every way. The hollandaise sauce was perfect. The bacon was great. The egg was done exactly how I like them to be. Even the English muffin was toasted to perfection. It was amazing. I don't know if I will ever be able to eat Eggs Benedict ever again, except at Tally's Silver Spoon.

Moving on: My family and i went to see Devil's Tower, which is this giant piece of rock that is jutting out of the land (if you have ever seen Close Encounters of the Third Kind, you will know what I'm talking about). It's super weird looking. It was also really hot and sunny.

We also saw a lot of prairie dogs which are officially my favorite animal. Of course, even with all the signs posted EVERYWHERE saying "DON'T FEED THE PRAIRIE DOGS!", what did people do? That's right, they fed the prairie dogs chocolate Teddy Grams. Even though this is probably super bad for the dogs, it was nice because they came up closer so i was able to get much better pictures than I normally would have.

We also crossed a very impressive set of mountains. We got up to an elevation of 9,430 feet, which was beautiful. There were a few towns where the elevation was actually higher that the population number.

I know this is random, but I saw a llama. Yeah, a llama. Just hanging out in a field. A llama.

In Lovell, Wyoming we went to a convenience store that had mac and cheese on once side of the isle and bullets on the other which I found hilarious.

Also, there was a place called "Pub, Liquor and Taxidermy". Yes, very odd things to put together...

On my hunt for license plates I have 8 more states to go: Alabama, Kentucky, New Hampshire, Vermont, Hawaii, Maine, Rhode Island and Delaware Wish me lick finding them tomorrow at Yellowstone!!!
<3 e

Westward Vacation - Day 2

We woke up with a promise of a continental breakfast though technically it was a room with four tables and a counter with coffee, cereal and mini donuts. As much as i was dissapointed, it was quite good and did it's job.

The next 8 hours, my mom and dad and I spent in Custer State Park and in the Black Hills. Here's a list of all the things that we saw or did (roughly in order):

- While my dad got gas my mom and I went to this small little park off to the side of the gas station. It had busts of three presidents: Bush, Regan, and Kennedy. Apparently there is something called "The President's Park" which is a trail in the middle of the woods that is full of 44 busts of all the presidents. I wanted to go so that I would be able to get lots of pictures of said busts but NOOOO, it was TOOO far away. Hmph.

- I decided to start the liscence plate game (you know the one, where you have to find as many different liscence plates as you can) with myself. So I have been walking around taking pictured of people's liscence plates. Yes, I'm very creepy, thank you.

- Then my family and I went and visited Mount Rushmore. Honestly? I thought it was cool, but kinda stupid. I mean no disrespect to anyone who finds it amazing. But, it wasn't AMAZING. These people took 14 years to blow up the side of a mountain so that it would resemble the faces of some important people. Yes, it's an amazing feat, but I was mostly annoyed at the fact that Mount Rushmore was originally part of Native American land. Yes, all of America is part of Native American land. But this land was sarcred to the Indians. It was part of their religion and we blew up one of their sacred mountains so that we could have some faces on the side of a mountain. But i digress, it was kind of cool. Even though it involved a lot of walking.

- Once my family and I had finished our tour, we left and went to Custer State Park. We had a map that the guy (Jay) at our hotel had given us, telling us where to go and what to do. Custer State Park was actually one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. There were so many things there and overall it was just really well kept, and it was just plain beuatiful.

- In Custer, my mom had found a highway called "Needle's Highway" which turned out to be spectauclar. It was right on the edge of these mountains, and it was just breathtaking. There were parts where the road had to go through parts of mountains, so there were these tunnels. They were so narrow that they could only fit one car at a time, so when you were about to go in them you had to HONK your horn in order to let the people on the other side know that you were, in deed, going to drive through the ridiculously narrow tunnels. While driving in another part of Custer we saw a tour bus. Now, the thing that wondered about was how this TOUR BUS was going to fit into the tunnel. I have recently looked up the dimesions and have found that a typical tour bus is 8 feet across. One of the tunnels that we went through was 8 feet and 4 inches across. And that wasn't the narrowist one. We were very worried for the safety of these poor people.

- My family and i decide to have a picnic, so once we had gone through one of the tunnels (above), we pulled to the side and sat on the side of a mountain and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, apples and granola bars. The most amasing thing was the fact that after cars passed us, it was silent. And not city silent, but actual, dead silent.

- There was an outlook point that my dad and i found that was truly spectaular. There were views all around you and the view you got were amazing. It was breathtaking.

- At one point my parents and I pulled off to the side of the road and I took them off on a nonofficial trail. Actually, it wasn't a trail at all. But i paid attention to where I was going, and I only headed in one direction. Once i finally reached the highest point, we were a fair ways away from the car, but we were sourounded 360 degrees by mountains. It was sooooo cool.

- We saw a herd of buffalo which was also really cool. The noise they make is sort of like a tiger growling which was really creepy, but funny.

- There is this pact called the "Begging Burros" and it's a group of burros (donkeys) that walk on the road and stick thier head into your car asking to be petted and to be fed. I learned that I have a fear of burros. I'm totally fine with them being in someone else's car, but the second they start coming near my car i start to freak out. Of course, the other people wanted to know if i wanted to feed it (HELL NO) so they brought it over to me (thanks a lot). It was cool though to have these animals just walk up to your car. They were everywhere too, so it was hard to escape them.

- While my parents and I were heading out of the park, we found this place called "Elk's Haven and Horse Camp" which was a little convience store that was also horse camp (Bring your own horse!). So we went inside and bought some ice cream and sat outside on this huge wrap around porch and listened as people played checkers and told stories. It was great. And then we noticed a sign that said "For Sale". For about 20 minutes, we seriously considered how we could buy this place. It was beautiful. But we finally reasoned and realized that it would never be able to happen, so we piled back into the car and drove away.

For dinner we ate at the Firestation Brewery Co. which used to be a Firestation. It was really cool, but not as good as Tally's Silver Spoon!

See ya tomorrow!
<3 e

Saturday, 24 July 2010

Westward Vacation - Day 1

HOLY. SHIT. THAT WAS AMAZING. I MEAN, IT WAS JUST--- Wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning:

My mom woke me up at the ungodly hour of 4:30. It was painful. I staggered around for a while until we finally climbed into the car at 6. Let me tell you, Minnesota at 6 in the morning is not one of the most amazing sceneries you have ever seen. After an hour or so, I gave up on trying to stay awake and finally gave into the sleep.

While my parent's let me sleep, they did wake me up once so that I could see The Jolly Green Giant. No, it's not as amazing as it sounds. It was a billboard. Yeah. Even though they felt that I needed to be woken up to look at a billboard, they didn't feel it was necessary to wake me up for Minnesota's Largest Candy Store, with 56 different kinds of licorice alone. Great choice, huh.

On our way out of Minnesota, we did stop at Walnut Grove. When we arrived we got excited because there were people outside, meaning that it had to be good! No. You had to pay to go into the gift shop. No thanks. So we piled back into the car and left.

Our next stop was at some wind turbines. My dad was wondering what kind of sound they made, considering many people have complained about living next to them because of the noise. All I have to say is, 'What noise??' It was beautiful. And tall. SOOOO tall. When I stood underneath it and looked up at it it made me nauseous.

The next stop along our way was at De Smet, which is where the surveyors house from Laura Ingalls Wilder. It was really cool to see the house and think of little Laura living there. The house was very nice, and gorgeous along with the house that Pa built. There was also a beautiful gray cat with ice-blue eyes who ran away from me every time I tried to go up to it.

We also stopped at a place called Wall Drug, which is pretty much just a giant drug store/souvenir shop/restaurant/clothing store. In the store there was a mechanical gorilla playing the piano and a cowboy marionette band, along with a water park out back. It was hilarious. And confusing. They had a map so that you knew where you were going.

At this point, our trip sort of blends together, but here's a list of things that I saw:
-A boat being pulled by a trailer
-Hundreds and hundreds of hay bales. They were EVERYWHERE!
-Perfect clouds. The kind of clouds that you only see in pictures and paintings. They were beautiful, and i took many pictures of them
-A camel. Oh yeah. A camel. I don't know why, but in one of the pastures along the way, there was a camel. So there.
-A dinosaur metal skeleton cutout being led by a human metal skeleton cutout

Then we went to the Badlands (please look at beginning sentence). It was beautiful. And amazing. It stretched forever, and then stopped suddenly. The mountains (or hills) seemed like they were completely fake. They were too big and too beautiful for my brain to comprehend. I could go on forever talking about them, but I won't bore you.

Finally, after 14 and a half hours of driving, we reached our hotel. Which is more of a motel, than a hotel. It's not the best place in the world. Except for the view. The view at night is of the entire city of Rapid City. It's great. Our dinner matched the view. We went to this little restaurant called "Tally's Silver Spoon." My parent's had a Peanut+Beef+Vegetable soup that was amazing. Then my mom and I split a burger that was good, but not amazing. And then we had desert. Oh god. The desert was the best food i have ever eaten in my entire life. It was a flour-less chocolate cake with an avocado fluff around it, drizzled with a key lime syrup. Oh. My. God. It was SOOOOO good. I feel as though my stomach is about to explode, it's so full, though I would make room for another one of those chocolate cakes. I'm seriously considering how I can move Tally's to Saint Paul...

Well, that was a long post. I plan on doing a diary/journal/vacation log for everyday that I am on vacation, so beware:Long posts ahead. But for now, I'm exhausted and feel as though I cold fall asleep at any moment. I'll post more tomorrow!!

<3 e

Tuesday, 13 July 2010


I'm so very proud of myself!! I got my sheet from the AP Board... place... thingy... BUT! Guess who got a FOUR on her AP Geography test?? That's right!!! I did!! I spent hours studying for this test and it all paid off!!! HA!! SUCK IT AP TEST!

<3 e

Saturday, 10 July 2010


As you might be able to tell, my blog got a makeover, thanks to the help of Delphine! I have separated my Doctor Who stuff, from my personal stuff, which many people will like :P

Also, my family and I are going to be taking a trip out west in a few weeks and I will be posting once everyday letting you know what's going on with me on my travels!

More to come later!!
<3 e

P.S. Thank Delphine by reading/subscribing to her blog!!

Wednesday, 7 July 2010


I have decided something. I've made up my mind.

What's the point of dreaming if you don't believe that you can make them come true. So I have decided, any dream of mine, I am going to fight for.

Starting with a huge dream of mine. I WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE IN THE UK!! I don't want to visit the UK, I want to LIVE there. I want to eat, and breathe, and just BE there.

I've decided that I'm going to work for it. I'm going to work insanely hard and I'm going to go to frickin' college in the frickin' UK!

I'll post more dreams of mine later,
<3 e

Tuesday, 29 June 2010


i don't a lot wrong, but when I do my conscience kicks in. I have a conscience that will keep me up at night. It will torment me in everything that I do. I try not to let people know.

Even little things. For example, my parents could come in and say something to me. For them it's just a passing remark, and it used to be. But then there are more and more remarks. Eventually when they come in and remark upon little things it means something. So much that it hurts. It makes me want to leave. Just get out. Go walk somewhere. Go sit under the stars. I have to get away.

It stresses me out. Though 'stress' isn't quite the right word. No, it makes me tired. And it makes me sad. Perhaps even grumpy.

Wish away my conscience for a day please
<3 e


I might be changing blogs. A friend of mine wants to redo my blog to make it "pretty-full." I also want to make one blog for my blog posts and one for actual doctor who posts!! More word on that!

<3 e

Sunday, 20 June 2010


Do you ever get the feeling that you want to say something but you can’t? I am continuously feeling that. Not just that, but that I have something that I am really good at, and I need that to survive. But I can’t find it.

I want to write a poem, but I’m unable to make anything work. I want to paint, but I don’t know what to paint. I want to take pictures, but they are never good enough. I want to write everything in the world, but it still wont’ settle me.

I feel like I have so much to say. I want everyone to hear what I say, yet at the same time I want to be alone, I just want to drive out into the middle of nowhere and then just be alone. But I want people to be around me constantly.

I am confusing people, and people are confusing me. I don’t know what to think, and I don’t know what I am thinking. I don’t know what I can do to solve my head problems. All I can do is say “Head.”

Wish me luck,
<3 e

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Last Day Reflections

As i head into the last day of my sophomore year, i find that things are mch more complicated than the first day. I have become a totally new person.

At the beginning of the year i was small and meek, but now i stand up for myself. I have shown myself that I have more courage than i could have ever thought. I have struggled and I have floundered, but somehow i have found my way. I have been hurt, and i have hurt people. I have laughed and I have cried.

All in all, this year has been one of the most amazing years of my life. I hope that all of you reading my blog can reflect on what you have been through to get to where you are right now. I hope you realize the small struggles that not only you, but everyone around you have gone through. Have fun in your life!

<3 e

Waters of March

Have any of you ever heard the song "Waters of March"? Well if you haven't you should look it up. It's a pretty song with some cool lyrics. The entire song is a list of random things that sorta of go together, but sort of don't. It's sort of a jumble of things. Many of they are contrasting.

Right now my brain feels like those lyrics. Half of me is happy, half of me is sad. Half of me wants to be alone, half of me wants to be in a group of people. Half of me wants one thing and half of me want another. My brain is just a jumble of random and contracting thoughts.

Wish me luck!
<3 e

Friday, 4 June 2010

End Of A School Year

Today are the Seniors last day and as i sit here in the lunchroom typing away at my friends computer i have realized some things.

Things end. I know that many people know that, and it's a pretty self-explanitory sentence, but at the same time it't not. But things actually end. I'm not talking about death or jobs or marrages or whatever. I have many senior friends that I will never ever see again after today. We will say that we will, but honestly, we won't. They will go to college and then they will never come back. We won't talk, we won't email, and we won't hang out. They will have started their life and they will have left me behind. I'm not a part of thier future, i'm a part of thier past. Someone they will vaguely remember me when flipping through thier year book with their children many years ago. Maybe they won't even remember my name. Maybe i won't even remember their's. It's sad, yes, but it's true.

Also, things that we think that will go on forever, end. Yes, it's sort of what i was talking about in the first paragraph but whatever. We grow up with people in our lives and expect that they will be there forever, but they won't. I have many friends that i have gone to school with and been good friends since elementary school. As we grow up, we have either grown together or apart, but either way, when we graduate and we walk out of the Roy Wilken's auditorium (where the graduation ceremony is held) I won't honestly see many of them ever again. Sure, we might hang out during the summer, but that's only my close friends. What about the people that you know from class and never got around to being their friend? What about all of them? You will never see them again.

Last year at the senior walk out, it was just another normal day. I walked out of school and avoided the masses of seniors saying their last goodbyes because i was a freshman and I didn't know many seniors. But this year. This year was different. As i walked out of my school and looked down the steps, i was watching friends that were saying their goodbyes. And i realized that many of my friends were in the 'Senior-goodbye-hug-mosh-pit-thing.' So i just stood there and watched. I realized that in two years I will be down there saying goodbye to people i've known all my life. The idea scared me, but a good kind of scary.

In two years I will be graduating and I will be leaving behind some sophomore standing on the steps wondering what it will be like to be saying goodbye. A note to all of my seniors, I will miss you dearly and i can't wait to spend an amazing summer with you ;)

<3 e

Saturday, 22 May 2010

Writing... or Not

My pen is running out of ink.
Between my brain and hand there is a link.
But lately is has not been working.
The words remain distant, lurking.

I can see them, but I can't.
Lines are formed, but write I shan't.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Everything is Good

Normally I use my blog to vent, but I have nothing to vent about. I'm happy. Here's why:

I have great friends.
I'm dating the guy I like. Yay!!
It's spring, so it's gorgeous out.
The end of the school year is coming quickly.
I'm almost done with all of my AP studying. Yay!! :P

There wasn't really a point to this blog post, I just felt that I should let you (two...) know what's up with me!

<3 e

Note to the picture: This was taken in my backyard. I actually edited this so that it was a black and white, but I thought i should post the "happy" colored one to match my post.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Early Release!

So today was an early release. Meaning we got out of school at noon. It was great. Except I didn't have anyone to hang out with. All of my friends were either doing homework or were hanging out with boyfriends (I don't exactly enjoy being the third wheel). So i sat at home in my misery.

And then I got over myself and ended up hanging out (and having dinner with) a friend from down the street. It's been month since I'd last seen her. When I last laid eyes upon her 5th grader-ness, she was awkward. But now she has blossomed into a beautiful young lady. Ahhh, the things you miss when you are cooped up inside starting at swimming black markings on blindingly white pages.

Then, once the dinner plates had been cleared and her mother had proclaimed that she needed to begin studying for a Spanish test, I left.

But the night was not yet over.

I ended up hanging out with my friend (Hi!) and his family. We went to get ice-cream and then we sat around. He and I went into the street and played frisbee for hours.

This was the most fun I've had in a while! Thank you both of you!!
<3 e


I get very bored in Chemistry class, so I spend the time writing poems. I felt that this one was Blog worthy!

Do You Know Me?

Have you met me before?
Yes. You have. But,
Do you know me?

Not your idea of me.
My idea of me.
My thoughts.
My dreams.

Do you know the photographer?
Who walks everywhere,
Seeing things in contrast
And elements of a photo.

Do you know the dancer?
Who feels strong and powerful.
And graceful.
Only when she's onstage.

Do you know the pianist?
Who sits down and plays
The music of her heart,
While scribbling it down.

Do you know the actress?
Who stays in black but
Only wishes to be in the

Do you know the singer?
Who only sings sweet melodies
When no one can hear.
She hopes they can hear.

Do you know the friend?
Who'll listen no matter what.
Who'll answer her phone at
Any hour. Any.

Do you know the dreamer?
Who dreams and dreams
Everything that won't come true.
But still dreams.

Do you know the poet?
Who thinks and dreams of words
Pouring out of her fingers
Scrambing to find paper.

Do you know me?
The real me?
I don't think you do.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

I Miss You All!

Last week was my school's play and I decided to join the crew. At first I wasn't sure if i really wanted to. But know I know it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I met people that I would have never met. I became friends with some of the nicest people I'll ever meet. But most of all, I had fun.

Running around the stage. Laughing. Smiling. Talking. Dancing. And singing. I had fun. Perfect, unadulterated fun.

I made lasting friendships.

If anyone reading this was in the cast or crew of the play, I want you to know that I thank you. For all the fun we had. For the laughs we shared. And for all of the friendships that will continue on.

I miss you all!

Thanks for the fun!
<3 e

Sunday, 4 April 2010


I’m not a religious person. Never have been, and probably never will be. I was never baptized and I’ve never gone to church (with the few exceptions of going to my friend’s church). I’ve never attended any holiday church service, but my family celebrates holidays own way.

Like today, for instance. The crazy-ass idea about a rabbit hiding eggs around your house (where he got the eggs I don’t want to know). For some reason this rabbit and his basket of eggs makes yearly visits to my house. And this year was no exception.

I came down my grandmothers stairs (Can you believe that pesky rabbit? He followed me!), to find pastel plastic eggs scattered about the house. I was handed a plastic bag and told that there were twelve this year. And a few random lambs. So I went about searching for them (it was much more fun when I was little and I actually had problems finding said eggs).

About five minutes later when my plastic bag was weighed down with twelve eggs and 3 misshapen chocolate lambs, I went about cracking open these eggs to find (to my surprise!) Starburst jelly beans and chocolate eggs. I then packed myself up and went about my day (with my bag by my side, of course).

Whatever you did this Easter (Sitting on a hard bench listening to a sermon or sitting around the house growling at anyone who came within a 3 foot radius of your plastic bag full of sweets), I hope you enjoyed it!

Happy Easter!
<3 e

P.S. A note to the photo:
My uncle decided that I needed to have some Peeps for Easter, and since they are the worst things since... well... anything (sorry Peep lovers) I took "artsy" photos of them!

Saturday, 3 April 2010


If any of you were wondering (though you might not have even thought about it), the picture at the top isn't just some random picture that I found on the "internets." It's actually a picture that I took myself! I pride myself on the ability to point my camera at some tree/flower/person/thing and being able to end up with something that doesn't look like complete crap!

This specific picture is of a tree that I walked by when I was walking home. Normally I don't bring my camera to school, but for some reason I did that day. So when I was walking home I saw this tree and decided to take some pictures of it. I did edit it a little, but for the most part I didn't do that much to it.

I will be adding more pictures onto my blog. I will also be asking for some advice on how I can improve, or just which ones you like!

<3 e

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Live Your Life!

We speed through life. Why? To make it to the next “thing”? The next promotion? The next school dance? The next date? Why can’t we live in the moment?

We spend our life thinking of the future. How our actions today will affect our life in the future. What will happen if I choose this? When will he realize he shouldn’t have walked away? When will I finally make it ‘big’?

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we constantly badger ourselves, telling ourselves that THIS moment isn’t important, and that THIS moment isn’t the right moment.

Why not? Why isn’t THIS moment the right moment? Readers (the one or two of you that might have happened upon reading this), I challenge you. I challenge to two things:

1. I challenge you to take a chance. Don’t think about what will happen if you do it. Don’t think about what people will think of you when you do it. Wear something crazy. Ask someone out. Tell your loved one just how much you love them, how much they mean to you. Make them feel special. Make THIS moment the right moment for them.

2. I also challenge you to stop. Just stop. Take a breath. Look around you. Look at all the people rushing through their lives. Then I challenge you to take a moment, stop thinking about the future. And live. Don’t work. Don’t study. Don’t worry. Live your life.

Have a nice life!
<3 e

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

My Dream For This Blog

My dream would be for this blog to have readers that know me. People who have never seen me, and never talked to me, but truly know me.

But at that moment, no one reads this blog, so that can't really happen. I haven't told anyone about my blog because i honestly don't want them seeing it. Not because I'm going to be saying awful things about them (which I won't), but because I need a place where I can express my feelings. A place that i can write anything that I want to. I need to be abel to spread my guts out on paper so that someone (you, yes you!) can read them.

But to be truthful, I will tell some of my friends and then they will read this (Hello!!). And then they will become my only readers. My only way to create my own world will be ruined by the people that love me the most (no offense!).

Love you guys! Thanks for reading!
<3 e

Sunday, 14 March 2010

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Spring!

I woke up today and I looked out the window. Did I see the piles of snow that have been here since November? No. Did I see the puddles of slush that make it hard to walk to the garage? No. I didn't, because today it looked like Spring!

I know that in fact it is not officially Spring by anyone's calendar but I believe it is Spring. Why?
-The grass is green (even though it might have snow on it, there is green grass)
- I can hear the birds chirping
- It SMELLS like Spring
- I can go outside without a winter coat, or any coat for that matter

To me it is spring and I don't care what anyone else says. To me it is spring which means that the school year will be ending and then it will be summer. To me it is spring so that I can finally go outside and take pictures of this lovely world that is around us. I cannot wait for the rest of the world to believe that it is spring so that we can celebrate it together.

Happy Pi(e) Day!!
<3 e

Life is Good

So I was thinking about what to write for my first blog, and i was trying to find something that I would be able to vent about... but there really isn't anything. At the moment (this is sure to change) my life is quite good!

-I have amazing friends that I can always depend on.
-I have a family that sticks together no matter what.
-I spend my day laughing and smiling.
-I'm getting an amazing educations (even if my chemistry teacher would like to kill me).

So no matter what I say in this blog from now on, just to set the record straight, my life is really good! It's just like my favorite saying "There are no bad days, some are just better than others".

So on a less positive note, this is what I'm going to try to change in order to make my life even better:
1. Finally get up the courage to ask the guy I like out (wish me luck!!!)
2. Stop procrastinating (though i might not get around to this one)
3. Make it through this school year with relatively good grades
4. Get a good summer job
5. Eat healthy and exercise! I feel so much happier when I do
6. Pursue a career that I actually enjoy no matter what anyone else says about it!!

Wish me luck on my very late New Years resolution!!
<3 e

Hello There!

Hello bloggers and readers of blogs!

This is my first time creating and/or blogging though I have thought about it for a while. I love the idea that I can sit at home and type something on my Mac, and someone who doesn't even know me will read it! I'm sorry if I seem like I don't know what I'm doing (because I don't) but I will hopefully get the hang of this!

I will be posting:
-And just random thought that have popped into my head

Be prepared for randomness through and through! And also lots of Doctor Who references!

I'll be writing an actual blog quite soon!