A Letter To Myself

Dear me,

This is a letter to myself, for when I go back and reread posts, which I commonly do.

In 15 days, school will have ended. You will have taken your SAT and ACT. You will have played at graduation, and had a dance performance. You will have studied and worked and tested and been exhausted. Congratulations on being done.

But, now that that is over, you have an entire summer to finally become what you want to become.

Last summer, you changed. Or at least, you would like to believe that you changed. You became louder. You cared less about what people thought of you. You dressed nicer. You started taking more chances. You did whatever the hell you wanted to do. You put yourself out there. That was a good thing. But you can do more. You are not at your full potential yet, and you know deep down that it would only take a little work to get you there.

This is your chance. Next school year you will be a senior. This is your last chance to make an impression on that box building high school you attend. So do it.

Make your summer count. Don't be one of those people who sleep until 1 and then sit around not doing anything. It was fun last year, but it can't happen again. Take initiative. Do things. Conquer the city.

So, as I finish my post in order to finish my work so that I can do well in these last 15 days until the last bell rings and we are finally released, you have already worked and tested and been exhausted. Lucky you. But, have fun this summer. Do what you need to do so you can do what you want to do. Be who you want to be no matter what you have to do to get there. Be happy.

<3 e

Prom!

For one night, we forget everything we know.



We dress as fancy as we want.



We cling to tradition.



We pose for pictures.



We walk carefully.



We dance like no one is watching.



We stay out later than we should.



Thank you all for a wonderful evening that I will never forget.
<3 e

Past, Present and Future

The future is a scary idea. It causes anxiety to swell up. It takes planning and effort. It influences everything that we do.

We pretend that we are old. We pretend we can be responsible. We pretend we know what to do. But in actuality, we have no idea what we are doing. We are children. Just because we can drive cars, have relationships and defy our parents doesn't that we are adults.

When we were little, our parents prepared us for life. We played dress up. We played school. We played house. We idealized the older kids, wishing we were that old. Wishing we knew that much. Wishing we had that much responsibility and freedom.

Now that we have it, we focus on the past. When we could play dress up without it costing so much. When we could play school and not actually attend it. When we could play house instead of having to work hard in order to keep ours. We value the innocence and little responsibility we had when we were little.

Just for one day, I wish I could take the weight off my shoulders and run around in my backyard without anything holding me back.
<3 e

Visions of Summer

I find my self gazing out the window. If i focus long enough the blanket of snow lifts away, the puddles evaporate and the dead leaves are raked. Next the grass greens, and soon flowers burst from the gardens. I can hear birds chirping, children laughing and the sound of scooters on sidewalks. The sun shines brighter and everything seems better.

Moments later after my gaze is broken, I glance back and it is back to normal.

All I want is for my visions of summer to come true.

<3 e

Crashing Cars

I have always equated life to be like a car. Your parents teach you how to drive and then once you do you leave and are independent. You end up driving around slowly picking up people until it is too old and it eventually gives out.

But, as in life and in driving, there are always accidents. One second you are cruising down the road and then time slows. You have hit something. The front of your car buckles and in a last, desperate, attempt to save you, your air bag goes off. But nothing can stop the deafening silence after a crash. The feeling that everything that once was perfect, is now ruined.

I’m just waiting for my crash.

You don't understand

You don't understand
That every word you say hurts.

Every sentence you utter
Cuts me and scars.

Then you wait, and say it again.
Like pouring bleach on a wound.

Don't you understand
How talking to you makes me want to cry?

Nervousness

I went to a fashion show today, and I was struck by the intensity that all the designers must have felt. They took everything that they could and put it into their 5 garments.

I want something like that.

I think that's why I started my blog. I needed a way to tell people things about me, without actually having to tell them. I wanted to showcase my writing and my photography.

But I don't get nervous. Well, not nervous about anything that I'm passionate about. I want to feel that excitement. That terror. That feeling that all the time you put into this project is finally coming together.

I need to find something that I can be horribly nervous about. Any ideas??

<3 e