New Years Resolutions

I've never really gotten the appeal of New Years. I've never really counted down. I've never had champagne. I've never done the celebratory kiss. But I've always liked resolutions. I make them all the time. I generally make one at the beginning of the school year and one at the beginning of summer. I like the idea of looking back at your year and trying to figure out how you can make this one a better one.

Generally, you are supposed to come up with your resolutions before the New Year begins. Well, I'm 17 minutes late, as usual. Might as well do my resolutions sometime, why not now. So, instead of doing the smart thing and thinking about my resolutions in my head, or writing them down in a journal, I'm going to post them here. I figure that all of the people who read my blog are close friends of mine, so they already know about all my problems and history.

So here it goes.

One year ago, I stood on my grandma's front step and thought about how I finally had my life in some sort of order. I had my first real boyfriend. I had good friends and I had removed myself from some bad friends. I had school stuff sorted out, with college things looming in the far away future.

In the past year, I messed a lot of things up. I became single. I had my fair share of panic attacks. I stressed about everything. But I also managed to do a lot of things right. I made a lot of new friends. I grew closer to people who i already knew. I got accepted into the college of my dreams.

So today, now 33 minutes ago, there was a bittersweet twang when I stood on my grandma's front steps. I can't wait for the new year. For the challenges I will face. And the people i will meet. But I'm terrified that I will mess everything up again.

Finally, for my resolutions (written to myself):
1. Be healthy. Be active. Eat right. It's due time that when you look in the mirror you don't see your flaws. Don't point them out. Embrace them, or fix them. Stop being lazy about it. You know that you will feel better and be happier if you do.
2. Stop f*cking procrastinating. It's ridiculous. Stop putting off the hard work just because it's hard. Embrace the challenge. Stop spending all your time online doing stupid things. Either be working or doing something meaningful online. Do the stupid stuff later.
3. Think. Before. You. Act. Don't have it be so that you are thought of as unpredictable and spontaneous. Those aren't necessarily always good things. Sometimes it's good to be regular.
4. When you do mess up, and knowing you, you will, don't blame yourself. You don't deserve that. I'm not kidding. You don't.
5. Stop living in "What Ifs." Stop regretting every little decision. This will sound familiar. You may not want to hear it, but it was and still is true: In four years none of this will matter. In one year this won't matter. Honestly, are you going to spend your time thinking about all of this in six months? I know I won't. It's not worth thinking about or worth spending your time regretting things.
6. Have fun. This will be the end of your Senior year in High School and the beginning to your Freshman year of college. Do something fun. Live it up. Live now or you'll regret your time wasted later (Also, refer to #5).

Those are my resolutions. I have these, along with the specifics and some more profanity, in my head. For those few who read my blog, please post your resolutions. Also, thanks for reading this longa** post :) Love you all!

<3 <3 <3 e

Senior Lunch Reflections

I'm going to miss this. Sitting in the band hallway listening to everyone's conversations.

I'm going to miss talking to you.
The rushed homework everyone is trying to finish.
The passing conversations.
The slamming of locker doors.

I'm going to miss my friends.
The way they talk.
The way they gesticulate.
Their laughter.

As college fast approaches I feel myself becoming more and more reflective about what I'm going to miss. I've just realized just how much I'm going to miss this.

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Texting

I like the idea of texting.
The idea that I am constantly there in your life.
And that you are taking moment out of your conversations to reply to me.
I like the idea that I can contact you the second anything happens to me.

Still Not Perfect

Words are chosen,
Finessed and reworked.
Old phrases are changed
and erased.
Gray lines cross out the old,
and write the new. Edits are made,
reread and discarded.
Finally, typed and published.
Still not perfect...

Old Posts

I haven't posted in a while. That doesn't mean that I'm not writing. In fact, I looked on Blogger to see how many drafts of posts I had and there are 22. That's too much. So, in the next few days I'll be actually getting around to posting those...

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Photography

I take pictures because people don't notice the world
And because someone has to.

I find myself fascinated with things
And the beauty in the world.

I think that the fact that we even exist is something
I or anyone else will never understand.

We need to notice things that are around us
And not just try to spend our lives going from point A to point B.

I love watching people's reactions to my photos,
and the way the ask, what is that?

I love it when people have to think about what it is.

I like the idea that life isn't simple,
So why should my photos be?

<3 e

Dunn Bros People Watching

I have always loved watching people and the way that they interact. That's why I love public places where I can just sit and watch people. So, I've decided that instead of doing my environmental science homework, I'm going to write about the people that I see (this is probably going to be way more interesting for me than it is going to be reading it).

Table 1: A guy sitting alone on his Apple laptop. He looks vaguely like the father from Even Stevens. Okay, actually, he looks a lot like the dad from Even Stevens. He has been dutifully working on his computer for the last hour and has a large briefcase/computer bag. He keeps looking down at a pack of newspapers/magazines/pamphlets that he has sitting next to him. He's drinking tea. Ha. He just tried to catch a fly. I like this guy. He seems like he would be a good dad. He has a vague smile on his face like either he's reading something entertaining or that's just how his face is. He just went to the bathroom, which doesn't seem like a big thing (in fact it's pretty creepy), but he left all of his stuff out on his table, except for a folder which he put away right before he left. Why would you put that much trust in the strangers around you not to steal your stuff?

Table 2: 60-something guy on a black laptop. I don't recognize the logo, but it's really interesting. He has thick black frames and keps adjusting them. He has an 8-ounce disposable cup on his table, but I think there's another one on his table along with it that's larger. This makes me think that he was trying another type of coffee but didn't want a whole lot of it. He has a forest green back back sitting on the bench next to him. He has a displeased facial expression; the corners of his mouth are turned down. He hasn't been here for long, though he seems ver interesting in what he is doing. This guy isn't very interesting.

Table 3: Woman in her early 20s. I'm sure she's a student at one of the may campuses around. About 30 minutes ago there was a guy sitting with her. They were laughing about something that was on her computer. His cup is still there, but he is no where to be seen. She is dutifully taking notes off of something on her computer. She's written over a page of notes in the past 5 or 10 minutes. I wonder who the guy she was with was, and who he is.

Table 4: A father and son (age 5) that just got here. So far they are my favorite. The dad was eating, but just finished a banana, and the little boy is eating a donut. The dad asked whether he could have some of the donut. The little kid shook his head. I like him. The boy is wearing a helmet and the dad looks slightly sweaty so i'm guessing they biked here. Not too far, but a considerable amount. the little boy keeps looking over at me. But perhaps that's because i keep looking over at him. He and his dad are talking about the pictures that are above my head. The dad is doing something with his iPhone, i really can't tell what. He has a bluetooth in, which bothers me for some reason. The little boy is wearing tractor socks. Okay, this kid is offially my favorite. Apparently what the dad was doing was taking a panoramic shot of the inside of Dunn Bros. He's showing it to his son, but the kid isn't very interested. The kid has a really nice helmet. I've decided his name should be David. I don't know what his actual name is, I'm not eavesdropping, in fact, I'm listening to music. So there. David is still eating his donut, it's identical to the one i had when I got here and i agree with him. It's very good. Oh, no! They are leaving! I liked them. Goodbye David!

Table 5: A man sitting next to me. He was here when i got here (about and hour and a half ago) and has been writing in a moleskin notebook in green ink. I love green ink. His handwriting is really nice. I wonder what he's writing. He has a small lightbulb sitting on his table. I have no idea why. This guy confounds me. He has a crumpled piece of paper sitting on his table. Earlier he was looking at that and writing in his moleskin. He is now doing something on his Blackberry/Android (not an iPhone). He brought his own cup to drink from (GO ECO GUY). The second he got up, the guy from Table 2 moved over here. Why is this table better than the other? Oh, Table 1 guy is talking to the guy who is now sitting next to him. Maybe there was too much talking.

Table 6: The table on the other side of me. An old married couple. Well, not old. Early 60s maybe. The woman, I'll call her Maybelle, is reading the newspaper. He husband, Jerry, is people watching. Or at least I think he is. I can't really see him very well through the plant that is between us. They went to Breadsmith before they got here and they got something to eat now (don't remember what they got) and they have a loaf of bread sitting on a chair next to them. Maybelle is talking about how she wants to go see an exhibit at the history Museum (yes, I know I said I wasn't eavesdropping, but my music got quiet and they were talking kinda loudly). They both have some coffee type drink and a clear glass with water.

Table 7: A guy with sunglasses on his hed. He's pretty indistinguishable, though he has a clipboard and is drawing/writing on. I think he is the manager of a construction project. He seems to be marking out plans on his clipboard. He isn't drinking anything, meaning he's pretty focused on what he's doing. He's thinking a lot about it. He seems slightly confounded by a problem that has arisen. OH! He's drinking. Lol.

I think for now that this is definitely long enough. I'll be surprised if you read all of it!

<3 e