This Is My Rooftop

I am happy. And I want to tell the world why. I want to scream it from the rooftop so everyone can know. But I also want to whisper it in the quiet, confined space of a car.

My life is good. 11:11 came around tonight, and I couldn't think of anything to wish for. I don't want anything more than I have because everything I have is amazing. I feel as though everything has fallen into place and suddenly my life is great.

My life has always been a little rough around the edges, like someone missed a spot. But it feels like someone has finished coloring in the picture.

My days are full of loving friends and family. We laugh and work and cry. But we are happy. So, so happy.
<3 e

Upcoming Writing

I have a journal that I started keeping about a year ago. And i have filled it with dreams and drawings and music and lyrics and poems. But most of these things are unfinished. They are all partial lyrics, or two lines of a poem that I wanted to write but never got around to it. Well, I'm going to get around to it now.

I've decided that once a month (hopefully more, but I'm setting my expectations low) I'm going to open the journal and pick a line and then I'm going to write a poem or song or finish the drawing that goes along with it. When I do this, I will post the poem on my blog.

Yes, that means I'm going to have to edit what I write just a little, because many of the things that I write about no one gets to see... BUT I'm willing to find a way to write about it if you are willing to read it!

Ta-ta For Now!
<3 e

Music

I am surrounded by a cloud of music. It follows me around constantly.
It helps me shut out the incessant sound of your voice.
It doesn't make my world better, it creates one of it's own.

I like my other world. It's simple and free.
I can escape from my problems and my connections.
When life gets bad, I live there.

Thank you for noticing.
<3 e

Great Friends Are Hard To Find

I was having a sucky day:

I had lots of homework, and then I procrastinated.
I was sick. And i didn't do anything to get better.
I was mad, and all I did was make people mad at me.

Worst of all, I have a chair placement and I haven't practiced. The more I practiced, the worse I got. And the more upset I got.

But as I was unload my problems on a good friend of mine he said "Do you know the courage wolf?" to which I replied "No..." A few minutes later he liked me to this picture:



Thank you, for making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry! I'm so lucky to have a friend like you!!
<3 e

I want to be Ben...

I want to be the character.
Who stops time to look.
To watch. To draw.

I want to be the person.
Who can control time.
When it stops. And starts.

I want to be the artist.
Held between seconds.
Seeing. Drawing.

I want to be the insomniac.
Escaping inevitable sleep.
Awake. Always.

I want to be Ben.
Surrounded by all.
But alone. Silent.

Sorry!

I'm terribly sorry about the lack of posting, and even when I do, the lack of length.

I could tell you that it's because school has started and I have lots of homework, but considering my History text book is open to page one, and has been for the past hour and I'm still typing this, that's not a very accurate reason why.

What I will tell you is this:

I feel like writing one of those panicky posts, where i tell you how screwed up my life is. But I can't. Because at this moment in time, I'm calm. So calm it scares me.

So much is happening to me, and so much is going to happen. But all i can think about is sitting in my room and listening to music. Maybe it's my head telling me that it's still summer. Maybe it's that fact that I can't organize my thoughts enough to realize what's going on around me.

I honestly don't know. But, this feeling of calm; the soft sound of keys being pressed, the wind coming in through my window, the blankness inside my head. I am calm. And it has been a while since I have felt this calm, so I'm not going to disrupt it.

I'll let you know what I'm thinking when I figure it out myself.
<3 e

Suffocating

Do you sometimes feel like you are suffocating? Like everything on the outside is pushing in trying to see how long it will take for you to crack.

I get that feeling a lot. The idea that everyone is working against me, stressing me out. The only problem is, I've never figured out how to relieve my stress.

If any of you have any ideas, please let me know, because I'm starting to go insane.
<3 e